The GiftBella POV
by mamasutra
Summary: For it is in giving that we receive and Bella gave the ultimate gift...herself. This fic will be random outtakes from the fanfic The Gift all told from Bella's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

"Want some pizza?" Angela called out to me as I walked into our cramped apartment. It was late and I was hungry, so I quickly joined her.

"You look better," Ang said as I walked out to join her with an eye roll in her direction.

"Thanks, Mom," I said with a snicker, but she was right. I had been walking around looking as sick on the outside as I felt on the inside since finding Edward with Tanya in her office. It was stupid, but I couldn't help it. He went back to her and I knew he would. I knew it before I ever approached him, yet I took my chances and lost. It was a hard loss, but as I tried to remind myself, he had been worth the risk.

"You know, he's an asshole," Ang said with a smirk, knowing that her comments would get to me like they always did.

"No, he's not," I said, weakly defending him.

"He's married to her. I mean, he's right… what did I expect?" I asked the rhetorical question that I had been asked countless times by him as well as myself.

"You expected him to see the error of his ways," Angela teased with a sad laugh, since she knew me too well.

"You expected him to realize that he wanted _you_, not super freak," Angela said making me laugh out loud at her pet name for Tanya. She hated her almost as much as I did, but for different reasons. Dr. Denali was critical with Angela as well as myself, calling us both prudes because we didn't agree with her idea that multiple sexual partners led to spiritual enlightenment. She had made her claim that humans were not monogamous creatures by nature, and would lose her fucking mind if you disagreed with her. That's what Ang and I did, though - we disagreed. We discussed different theories and, in the end, we were mocked for not agreeing with her. The only difference now was that, after my night with Edward, she had stopped calling me sexually repressed. She now just referred to me as 'girl'. It was degrading, her way of putting me in my place after that night.

"Well, he loves super freak so I guess it doesn't matter," I said, as she shook her head in response.

"I guess we will have to list Mr. Cullen's taste in women as a fatal character flaw," she said with a laugh, as I grabbed my pizza and bottle of beer before sitting down across from her. We hadn't eaten dinner together since before my night as Edward's gift, and it was nice to be normal again. The only conversation between us was how hot Ben Cheney looked with his new glasses instead of anything pertaining to the mistake I had made.

It was after we were laughing for a while that Angela talked me into going out with Riley Biers, who had been asking me out for months. He was cute and single. He was safe and nice. He was everything that Edward could have been if he wasn't married. He was perfect and I was a fool to not go out with him because I had some sick crush on a married man who wanted nothing to do with me now - yet, I found it hard to agree no matter how much I should go, since it just felt wrong.

"I know you, B. I know you so well, and this waiting for a man who is clearly remaining married to super freak is not healthy. It's time to let go and move on, you know what I mean?' she asked me in a caring tone that warmed my heart and pissed me off all at once.

"Yeah, OK," I said, begrudgingly agreeing with her as she smiled and clapped loudly in response.

"I'll call Riley tonight," I said in a defeated tone, as she shook her head at me.

"Bella, it would be different if…" she started to say, but I stopped her.

"It would be different if he wasn't married or in love with her. Yes, I know this, Ang," I said with a tired sigh, as I looked away from her. It all would be different, but it wasn't. He loved her and while I knew this before I ever agreed to Tanya's offer, it still somehow hurt when I had heard him whispering that he loved her while they'd made love. I should not have been surprised by it since I had always known that. Edward was the type of man a girl wanted since he would greet her with flowers and a kiss. He was loving and protective. He was kind and devoted. He was a good man and I knew I was just a temporary thing in his life.

"It's just that…" I started to say, causing Angela to give me her death glare. She was tired of hearing it. "Yeah, I'll stop,' I finished, as she looked at me.

"It's done and over with. _He's_ done and gone so let it go," Angela said firmly. I nodded in agreement since she was right. He was done. Edward had told me so time after time, and no amount of apologies would change that.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I listened to the soft jangling of the door mixed with hushed whispers outside.

"I don't know, Dr. Denali," I could hear the old man say with a worried tone, as I struggled to open my eyes at the mention of Dr. Denali's name.

"I'm just worried about him, Marty," I could hear her say in a soft tone that dripped with her concern. I hated that she was concerned about him and that she cared at all, but she did and I knew it. Most of all, I hated the fact that I knew _anything_ about them.

I should have said no when I heard her asking the blonde girl to be Edward's gift. I should have remained silent, yet the idea of this girl getting to spend one moment beneath him made me sick - it had been the one thing I fantasized about since meeting him.

_"I don't know, Dr. Denali," I heard the girl stammer nervously as Tanya lovingly touched her cheek while she gazed at the girl adoringly._

_ "I mean, your husband is very handsome," she said with a nervous sigh, as Tanya giggled in response._

_ "He is and you should also know he's a very skilled lover," she said with a wide grin as she brushed the girl's blonde hair out of her eyes._

_ "This would be a favor for me, Lauren, I promise you will enjoy your time with us," Tanya said to the girl. I watched them together before the girl turned her down again. It was after Lauren left, with a nervous look toward Tanya, that I approached her. I knew Tanya. I knew she would ask another and another until someone said yes. My rational side knew it was wrong and that I was playing with fire, but the part of me that wanted Edward Cullen overruled it all. It was that desire for an unattainable man that forced to me stand before Dr. Denali, She eyed me curiously while I shifted nervously before her. She knew I liked her husband. She knew and had teased me over it countless times, almost to the point of cruelty._

_ "I'll do it," I said in a firm voice, shocking not only her, but myself as well, with this new confidence I suddenly had when it came to matters like this. _

I had flashes of her happily clapping and giving me a tight hug, as she thanked me for doing this. I remembered how she told me of Edward's interest in me and, while that should have been enough to stop me, it was like adding fuel to the fire that burned within. It felt powerful knowing he wanted me the way I wanted him, which proved to be my downfall.

It would have been different; we could have been different if it was _just_ sex, even though a night of emotionless fucking was not me. It was not something I would ever do, definitely not something that I would ever have agreed on. But, it was Edward, and that was the reason I did agree.

I looked down at the sleeping man who held me like a pillow, cuddling me while whispering his sleepy secrets to me. He was so lost after all of this and it was my fault. He had all but told me so without laying any blame at my feet. He would never have done it if it weren't for me. While that thrilled me, it also left me sick inside since it was clear what this was doing to him.

I was idly running my hand through Edward's thick hair as he murmured in his sleep, making me smile as I caught the soft whisper of my name. He pressed closer to me just as the door opened. I listened with closed eyes as Tanya stepped inside, thanking the old man for his kindness with the promise that she would look after Edward, since the man was worried about him.

I opened my eyes just as she gasped in surprise over finding me with him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked me, in a quiet tone that was ice cold. She knew why I was here. It was for him.

"You called me at midnight demanding to know if I was fucking your husband, waking both me and my roommate up in the process, and then left it that you'd look for him in the morning," I whispered angrily, just as Edward suddenly squeezed me tightly in his arms as he slept.

"I wanted to know if he was with you," she said, defending her reason to call in a haughty tone that only added to my anger. "But, that didn't mean you needed to go find him; I never asked you to do that," she finished with a sniff of irritation.

"I was worried about him,' I said, watching her smile a cruel smile that cut me deeply, since I knew what she was thinking. She was thinking of my so-called crush on her husband. It was the subject of many teasing and mocking comments from her.

"Of course you were," she said in a syrupy tone, making my blood boil.

"_Someone_ has to worry about him when it's pretty clear that _you_ don't," I replied, with the same sweetness that wiped the smug grin off her face.

"Don't you dare make assumptions about me or my marriage," Tanya hissed in anger, as I stifled a laugh.

"Yes, why would I make assumptions that you were anything less than the perfect wife when you were propositioning students to be part of a threesome with both of you," I said with a chuckle, watching her face go from white to red with anger.

"I did it for him," she said in a loud voice, making Edward shift in his sleep beside me so that his face was pressed into my chest.

"Did you ask him if that's what _he_ wanted?" I asked her softly, hoping not to wake him while I had it out with his overly-confident wife. I knew she hadn't asked him. I knew this because he told me last night, in a sad whisper, as he apologized for my involvement in the mess that surrounded us now.

"I didn't have to ask. I know Edward better than anyone," she said in a firm tone, but I could see my words left a mark on her smug attitude, taking her down a notch.

"Really? Because he told me that you refused to listen to him. I mean, maybe if you did, you would know that the man you_ know so well _is not into the lifestyle you want to try now. I know this because _I_ listened to him, so I guess the question is why don't _you_?" I asked with a smile, watching as she glared at me angrily.

"You shut your mouth, you pathetic excuse of a woman! What do you know about him…or me…or anything really?" she hissed at me in anger, my words hitting her hard. I knew what she was doing. She was now the focus of gossip for the entire psych department with her preaching of open marriage and the so-called spirituality that could be found with multiple lovers. It was ridiculous and left many wondering how Edward fit into the scheme of things. I knew the truth though. He didn't fit in at all.

"I know you can't make him into something he's not. I know this and so do you," I said, as she sputtered with anger over the truth. You can't change a person's core values. You can't change who a person truly is inside, because they will always revert back to their true essence.

"You are nothing but a little girl who is bitter that the man she wants chooses to be with his wife," she said harshly, watching me to see if her words hurt - and they did. It hurt to know that he wanted her, even though she was the one who was tormenting him and pushing him to be a person he was not.

"Maybe, but at least I am not the arrogant old woman who is pushing her husband into the arms of another woman, while thinking that nothing will come of it," I said, as she shook her at me with laughter over my words.

"It is idiotic to try to change a person's morals while counting on those _same_ _morals_ to keep him around. Not just idiotic, but downright fucking stupid since you can't have it both ways, Tanya. Trust me when I say that Edward is growing tired of your games," I said with a smile. I watched her bravado falter while I thought of Edward's whispered words of frustration over Tanya and her demands. He shouldn't have told me about it and I shouldn't have used it as ammunition against her, but I couldn't stop myself. Tanya was an arrogant bitch who needed to be reminded that she had something to lose in the game she was playing with him, and I was more than happy to step in and take him from her.

"Keep pushing him and see what happens," I said with a grin, as she rolled her eyes at me.

"Do you really think you know him? You were just some girl he fucked, you could have been any girl, so don't act like you know my husband so damned well," she growled at me. I chuckled at her since she was wrong, I did know him. I knew that this situation was tearing him apart. I knew he hated the idea that he'd failed since he was someone who liked to win, even if the competition was only with himself. I was well aware that Edward was a good man, the type of man girls wanted to marry because love and sex mattered to him. They meant something. It was more than just a physical release or a way to pass the time. I understood that when he loved someone, he did it with his whole heart. It made me want to be the one he loved like that, not the woman who was so willing to gamble it away. I knew this about him but it seemed like Tanya had no clue when it came to him; otherwise, she would know what she was risking.

"Do you really think you know him either?" I mocked in a lower whisper, causing her to practically lunge at me in anger, only stopping as Edward slowly moved, waking up as he held me tighter to him. It was an embrace that made his wife hiss in anger, his eyes slowly opening to look at me sleepily, oblivious to the arguing that was going on around him.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Hey all I will be donating the start of a story to The Fandom for Suicide Awareness. It will be called Lost in the Echo. Its a Edward & Bella fic. This is not the official summary, but the idea is that they were high school sweethearts until foolish pride and tragedy tore them apart. What happens when they are forced to reunite five years later? Can they find their way back to each other or is the past better left in the past?**

**Here's a teaser…..**

"_I love you," he whispered to me in a reverent tone as his hands cupped my face, forcing me too into his eyes. They were grass green and so deep that I could get lost in them._

It was always there that the dream ended. I would wake up with his name on my lips while my heart pounded against my rib cage and I ached for a boy who gave me up years ago.

"Be? You ok?" I heard Riley whisper to me in his sleepy voice that made me smile. He never knew about Edward and I wasn't about to tell him. He didn't need to know that I dreamed of a boy who part of my past, a past I wanted to forget. I looked over at him, always half shocked to find him hovering, yet that was what he did. He hovered, he hoped, he wanted and I could not fault him for it. I had strung this man along for years, leading him on with stolen kisses and the word _friend_ even though I knew he wanted more. He was patient. He was waiting me out and while I admired his tenacity, it also drove me nuts since his hovering made me nervous.

**Xoxo**

**mamasutra**


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